Choosing a private school for your child can feel like one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make as a parent, given how important education is to the trajectory of your child’s life. With so many options and factors to consider, it’s no wonder the process often feels overwhelming. But here’s the truth I want every family to know: You are in the driver’s seat.
This journey shouldn’t be about how to show up perfectly to fit into the mold of your perception of what you think a school is looking for. Instead, it’s about finding the right fit for your child and your family. That shift in perspective can make all the difference. When you approach the process with curiosity, confidence, and a clear sense of your priorities, you’ll find the path becomes much more manageable — and even exciting.
Based on years of working with families, here are my quick and powerful tips for navigating the private school search with ease and assurance.
Know What Matters Most to Your Family
Before you schedule a tour or attend your first open house, reflect on what your family values most in a school environment. And I’m not referring to the arms race of shiny features that schools use to capture your attention. What’s your why when it comes to education? What do you see as the purpose of education in your child’s development?
A family might invest in a private school education because they’re seeking an environment where their child is truly known — where teachers have the time and latitude to understand each student’s strengths, challenges, and passions. Private schools often offer smaller class sizes, richer academic and co-curricular opportunities, and a community that aligns with a family’s values. They also provide a close-knit environment where students build deep, lasting friendships and connections that carry into adulthood. For many parents, the investment is about giving their child access to a learning experience that is both personalized and expansive, helping them grow with confidence, curiosity, and purpose.
When you start with your family’s priorities, you’ll have a strong compass to guide you through the search.
Do Your Homework Before You Visit
In today’s world, so much information is at your fingertips before you ever set foot on campus. School websites, virtual tours, and brochures are helpful tools, but don’t stop at surface-level impressions. Look deeper.
Read through the school’s mission statement. Explore the curriculum guides or course catalogs. Pay attention to extracurricular offerings and community traditions. These resources often reveal what the school truly values.
And as you gather information, start making a list of questions. What do you want to know about the teaching philosophy? How does the school support students academically, socially, and emotionally? What role do parents play in the community?
Doing this homework ensures that when you do visit, you’ll spend your time wisely — asking meaningful questions and focusing on what matters most to your family.
Make the Most of Campus Visits
Visiting a campus in person is one of the most valuable steps in the process. Think of it as a two-way interview: the school is getting to know you, but you’re also evaluating whether the school is a place where your child will feel comfortable and inspired.
As you walk through the campus, pay attention to the small details. How do teachers interact with students in the hallways? Do you see smiles, energy, and engagement in the classrooms? Does the campus feel warm and welcoming? Do they feel like your people?
Notice how students interact with one another. These observations can speak volumes about the school culture and be a window into what the school values.
Ask the Right Questions
It’s natural to wonder what questions to ask during tours or admission events. Here are a few that can open up meaningful conversations:
- How does your school define success?
- What opportunities exist for students to explore their interests outside of academics?
- How do you foster a sense of community and belonging among students?
- In what ways are parents invited to participate in school life?
- How do your teachers get to know each student individually?
- How are your alumni engaged with the school today?
Don’t shy away from asking about the details of daily life. What does a typical school day look like? How are conflicts resolved among students? How are successes celebrated?
Remember: This is your chance to hear directly from the people who live and breathe the school’s culture every day.
Involve Your Child in the Process
While parents often lead the search, it’s important to include your child in age-appropriate ways. For younger children, this might mean simply asking how they felt after visiting a campus. Did they feel comfortable? Did they notice something they were excited about?
For older students, it’s valuable to invite them into deeper conversations about their preferences. Which classes interest them? Do they want a big school with more anonymity, or a smaller environment where everyone knows their name? Giving them a voice not only empowers them but also helps you identify a school where they will feel a genuine sense of ownership and belonging.
Trust the Process and Your Gut
It’s easy to get caught up in comparing your journey with what other families are doing. Remember that your child is unique, and so is your family. The right school for your neighbor may not be the right school for you — and that’s OK. Your job is to do right by your child.
As you move through the process, give yourself permission to trust both the information you gather and your instincts. Sometimes, despite the hours you’ve spent creating a spreadsheet masterpiece with all of your research and the pros and cons, you’ll simply feel that a school is the right fit. That sense of “this is where we belong” is powerful, and it shouldn’t be ignored.
The process may take time, and there may be moments of stress or uncertainty, but know that you are firmly in control of the journey.
Conclusion: Blaze Your Own Trail
Exploring private schools doesn’t have to feel daunting. When you start with your family’s values, do your homework, engage fully during visits, and listen to both your child and your instincts, the path becomes clear.
There’s no single “perfect” school — only the best fit for your child. And that’s the beauty of this process: it’s about discovering where your child can truly thrive.
So take the wheel with confidence. Ask the questions, trust your gut, and enjoy the journey. Because at the end of the day, remember: You’re in the driver’s seat.
Meredith VanDuyne is Assistant Head of School for Institutional Advancement at Flint Hill School.
Posted in:
